Not the Announcement I Wanted to Make

I was saving up a post to talk about our new pregnancy, but after having my first prenatal visit at 11 weeks on Monday, we got unexpected and unfortunate news. Our babies heart beat could not be found on the sonogram, but she told us not to worry and that we’d try the trans vaginal ultrasound, which unfortunately gave the same results. Now they were treating it as a serious matter and had me go do an ultrasound in the radiology department.

I was completely shocked and saddened to hear this news. In a way, almost guilty feeling because I’ve been feeling so sick with this one for the past 10 weeks and I haven’t felt too excited about it. Now I wished I had nausea, the bloat and the crazy bowel movements just so I know that my little one is alright.

Unfortunately, the ultrasound yielded the same results, and she showed us where the heart should be flickering. Baby measured at 10 weeks and I was 11.

miscarriage quote

You never really expect anything like this to happen to you after having a healthy first pregnancy, but miscarriages are so unpredictable that it happens to 1 in 4 people who are under 12 weeks pregnant, which I didn’t realize. That’s way too many. I feel for all who have gone through this.

Now I get to somehow mentally prepare myself for a D&C Friday afternoon since I can’t bare to sit and wait for my baby to come out naturally and see it. That would be too heartbreaking to deal with right now.

I am sad that we don’t get 2 babies to love on, but I am at least grateful for the one I do have. If I didn’t have her, I am sure I’d be going a little crazy right now.

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23 Comments

  1. Vera Sweeney
    March 23, 2017 / 10:45 AM

    That is so awful. I’m so deeply saddened for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through at this moment. I have not platitudes or sayings to even try to ease this pain. I’ll simply say that my heart aches for you and your family and that you will be in my thoughts.
    Vera Sweeney recently posted…O-Cedar EasyWring Spin Mop and Bucket System #WRINGinSpringMy Profile

  2. March 23, 2017 / 12:42 PM

    So sorry Jenn. I have been through this and truly there are no words. I wish that having had been through it I had some kind of great statement for you that would help but I do not. We all heal in our own ways. The D&C is your best option though and I do believe not just emotionally, which is key, but also medically.
    You are right that it happens more than people realize.
    Take time for yourself, heal, process, and then what comes next is an open book. Maybe you are still meant to have another baby!
    My little one that I lost was when I was 6 months along. It was really hard because she was almost with us. It is devastating.
    I am sorry and blessings to your family.
    Much love to you.
    Joely Smith recently posted…Compassion Counts: You Never Know What Someone Is Going ThroughMy Profile

    • Jenn
      March 24, 2017 / 10:08 PM

      I am sorry for your loss as well. D&C was definitely the best option for me even though I was still scared out of my mind.

  3. March 23, 2017 / 12:59 PM

    My heart breaks for you and your family. I have been through this twice myself (though I never had a D&C) so I have some idea of what you’re going through. Hugs to you all. If you ever want to talk about anything I’m always happy to listen. Take care of yourself, get lots of rest.
    Rose Siders recently posted…Swagbucks Money Maker Deal!My Profile

    • Jenn
      March 24, 2017 / 10:07 PM

      I couldn’t imagine being in your place Rose. I am truly sorry for what you have gone through, it’s heartbreaking. 🙁

  4. March 23, 2017 / 2:58 PM

    Oh my goodness I am so so sorry to read this, I am sending you so much love right now.

  5. March 23, 2017 / 4:49 PM

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen with one of my pregnancies. We had three miscarriages. Each was heartbreaking. I am happy to know you do have one child you can love on, like you said.

  6. March 23, 2017 / 4:56 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such a tough thing to deal with me, and I’m not sure how I’d react if that had happened to me. I only have one child, and he’s 12, but we thought we’d lost him early on in my pregnancy. Turns out that wasn’t the case. At any rate, it’s a horrible thing to deal with.
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  7. My Teen Guide
    March 23, 2017 / 10:59 PM

    This is heartbreaking! I’m really soorry for your loss, you’re tough enough to tell your story, this so sad. All I can do for you is to pray ad send a huge hug and kisses.

  8. Victoria Heckstall
    March 23, 2017 / 11:03 PM

    I can’t imagine myself to get through your pain, my heart breaks for your family especially for you this is so hard. I’m so sorry for your loss Jenn, I wish I’m near to you to comfort you. Hope you feel better soon.

  9. March 24, 2017 / 2:30 PM

    I am so very sorry. I don’t have the right words and I know this because it happened to us. I hope you are ok (well as can be) xx
    pinkoddy recently posted…BMW i3 Electric CarMy Profile

    • Jenn
      March 24, 2017 / 10:05 PM

      So sorry you have dealt with this too 🙁

  10. Emma Spellman
    March 24, 2017 / 10:00 PM

    I’ve had a miscarriage as well and I feel for you. I hope everything went ok today. I am thinking of you. Mine was in 2012 and although it has gotten easier I will never forget. I find ways to keep my babies memory alive even though they never entered the world.

    • Jenn
      March 24, 2017 / 10:17 PM

      So sorry for your loss as well. D&C went well. Having my little one to occupy my mind has been so helpful. I will never forget either though. Thanks for your kind words.

  11. March 26, 2017 / 1:23 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t experience this before, but I had a bout with infertility that nearly drove me crazy.
    Stephanie Pass recently posted…Pretty Pintastic Party #149My Profile

  12. March 26, 2017 / 10:52 PM

    I don’t know you, but I’m sorry to hear this. I worried about miscarrying my entire pregnancy. Then worried about SIDS. It’s scary not having control over things like that. However, I am glad that you found the silver lining in your daughter. T

  13. March 27, 2017 / 12:39 PM

    Uhhhh I’m so sorry this happened!!! I can’t imagine what this must feel like. Hang in there!

  14. rika
    March 29, 2017 / 12:34 AM

    So sorry to hear this.. Sending prayers! Be strong and be positive.. I know it won’t be easy, but everything happens for a reason.

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