Bicycle Race!

I finally got a bicycle after talking about it for a year. I was in the market for a comfort cruiser but unfortunately the pieces of shit at Walmart that I was interested in (because of my budget) did not fit my ginormo-ass. I am 5’11, and at most, they’re 15-17″ frames. So if you know anything about bikes and measurements, you know that those are not going to work. Now if I wanted a cruiser that would fit my height, I would be looking at $1k. What-kind-of-crazy spends that much on a bicycle? I’d rather put that towards something more useful like beauty products and clothes so I can look fab, at least a few days out of the week.

Anyways, so my husband says he’s going to get me a bike because he wanted to do it for the past year but never got around to it. Hell, he wants to buy me something? I’m not going to say no to that! So, I pretty much had to settle for a mans bike, more particular, the Diamondback Wildwood from REI (The PNW’s overpriced store for outdoorsy shit). We ordered it, got it all aligned and fixed correctly, and got it home. I rode around the block with the husband since he got the Diamondback Edgewood, and it was smooth. The next day, I wanted to ride it 1 and a half miles up to my moms house and the first thing that happens as I’m going up a hill and shifting gears, the chain comes off, it gets stuck in between the derailer and bends to shit!


I haven’t even gone 3 miles on this thing yet, give me a break!

So we have to wait til the weekend so we can bring it back into REI to have them fix it or put a new chain on. They pretty much said it needed a new chain. There was no warranty on it for some odd reason even though we just got it a week ago, so I had to pay $15 for them to put a new chain on. At least it wasn’t some outrageous price, but still, that should have been covered in a 30 day policy or some shit.

So far it has been much better. No chain breaking, no me falling off of it, which is surprising since I haven’t ridden a bike in like 12 years. The husband on the other hand biffed it the first day he rode his. I couldn’t stop laughing when he came in with ripped up jeans and a bloody gash on his knee. Yeah I know, I’m a sensitive, caring wife.

I got my paybacks the day I rode up to my parents house to visit. Thee husband came by in the car to pick me up so we could go have dinner and then I would ride it back home. Well since it was dark, he wanted to stick by me since I had no flashing lights or anything of that sort on my bike yet and wanted to make sure I was fine. And that’s when it all started…

He puts in the Queen CD and blares Bicycle Race and sings at the top of his lungs out the window at me.

“Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like”

He thinks he’s pretty amusing, but he just lucky I didn’t get close enough to his car to bitch slap him since he knows I hate that song with a passion! Then we get to a corner with a pedestrian and he starts singing along too. GREAT!! Can’t get a break here. So now, I know better than to go riding my bike when he’s not riding his bike too, otherwise I get to endure this ensemble every time.

And screw you Queen for making the most annoying song ever!

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